liquidstar:

tabbythekouhai:

liquidstar:

liquidstar:

currently drinking juice with my custom krazy straw that says “bitch” while wearing comically large sunglasses and i think im finding my true self rn tbh

How long must you suck in order for you to finally get the juice?

not gonna lie it takes a few seconds but whats the point of being a bitch if im not gonna be over the top

dankmemesreasonforliving:

superdumptruck64:

YO WHAT’S THE SCOOP?

energyprison:

like the legend of the penis

feral-space-faerie:

Do white people even know/realize that when their non-white friend is explaining things to them, that’s them trying to save the friendship?

And every time y'all flip out/sulk/vent/whine publicly about em holding your hand through BS, it’s one step closer to them ending the friendship???

quitoito:

official-daft-punk:

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me

toastpotent:

doctors and all other medical specialists during check-ups: “hmmm well it seems like nothing is wrong with you, you say you are having pain? idk take some tylonel and sleep it off i guess, you will probably live”

dentists: “your teeth are yellow as shit and your gums are unhealthy, you only brush twice a day when you should be doing it 4 times an HOUR, WHY don’t you floss. i see darkness in your future and the darkness represents cavities, you’ve got diseases we haven’t even seen before, all your shit is fucked up my guy, even your jawline sucks and i don’t even test for that, absolutely pathetic. don’t show your face here again”

charlesoberonn:

charlesoberonn:

Broke: Barbie’s many different careers are a way to sell dolls and accessories to little kids.

Woke: Barbie had every single one of those careers and is an immortal timeless being.

Bespoke: Barbie’s different careers are different versions of Barbie from across the multiverse who occasionally swap place with each other or combine into one Barbie.

star-child101:

jeannetart:

dare-i-say-asexual:

setforstars:

False

funniest part about this is i dont know which category youre trying to add him to

nightfuryqueen:

the-greentext-guy:

This is my absolute favourite greentext of all time and I tear up every time I read it